‘I want to help women take care of themselves’, — Sister Francisca Tumanevych

about the psychosocial support sessions

Mental health is just as important as physical health. One of the activities of the HARPU project of the Religious Mission “Caritas-Spes Ukraine” is the organization of psychosocial support groups, which can be joined by anyone who wants to and who really needs it, regardless of their requests. Adults, children and teenagers can become participants.

*Find out more information about the opportunity to receive psychological help in the social networks of the offices of Caritas-Spes Ukraine in Zhytomyr, Odesa, Vinnytsia, Lutsk and Kharkiv.

In Zhytomyr, psychosocial support groups for women and married couples are led by Sister Francisca Tumanevych (note: Gongregatio Sororum Sacrae Familiae de Nazareth, or The Congregation of the Sisters of the Holy Family of Nazareth), a judge of the Episcopal Court of the Kyiv-Zhytomyr Diocese. And she also has a psychological education.

Sister Francisca Tumanevych conducts a support group for women in Zhytomyr. Photo by Caritas-Spes Zhytomyr.

— Sister, tell me who are the participants of the psychosocial support groups in your office?

— Psychologist Anna Kovalska currently works with two groups for teenagers. There are IDPs among them, but we don't divide them into displaced persons and locals, we don't distinguish any categories — they are simply teenagers who needed participation in psychosocial support groups. The majority of these teens are looking for support, they feel alone in the environments they are in, and here at Caritas they can gather. Our psychologist called these meetings "the circle of like-minded people".

There are also three support groups for women. In particular, one group that works online, where 80% of the members are now abroad. Women need to be together, and I have the impression that this category is very vulnerable at present.

Another group is for spouses. There are programs for marital meetings, the specificity of which is that they do not share something with a circle of people, but share in pairs. Of course, under the leadership. They solve certain issues and receive tasks.

— How do you manage to establish contact with teenagers, taking into account that somebody may find it difficult to "open up" and share their experiences?

— It’s necessary to find a "key" to teens. Not everyone can work with teenagers. Our psychologist Anna rejoices: she told that one of the groups went to such a depth during the meeting that although she felt tired, she also felt satisfaction from the work.

I was surprised when on the day of the regular meeting there was terrible weather, wind, but our psychologist said that 90% of the group members came. A week later, it’s raining like cats and dogs in Zhytomyr so the huge wish is not to leave the house. But I saw that the group of teenagers is full! And for me it was such a sign that they really needed meetings.

— What topics are most interested in to teens?

— Teenagers get to know themselves first of all. They share what they are going through. And many things are aimed at self-awareness: there are themes of conflictology, sexology, a number of topics about how to be yourself, we also talk about social media. Maybe they don't always have someone to ask about everything they are interested in, but here is a person they trust, with whom they can share.

— Let's talk more about support groups for women. What is the main motivation for creating them?

— I really want to convey to women, and we will do it in all our next meetings, about the effect of the "oxygen mask". To convey that it is important to take care of yourself. Women have this nature to take care of everyone: husband, children, cat, dog, Motherland. But as for themselves… just deflated. I want to help women take care of themselves. Everyone has fatigue, anxiety, and nervousness. It's just that women comfort and calm everyone down, but there is not enough time for themselves. Women don't just come to talk, I want to give them something to restore their resources. Women learn to listen to their emotions, filter their thoughts.

— How exactly do you work in support groups for women?

— They never know what awaits them. They come, and there are flowers on the tables. They say: "oh, how beautiful!". We start by drinking tea and eating something delicious. And then we have some tasks. For instance, we watched a cool short cartoon about how life passes quickly. I encourage them to read, in particular, the book "Man’s Search For Meaning" by Viktor Frankl, who survived a stay in a concentration camp. I don't always know what will happen at the next meeting. Somewhere I listen to my feelings, intuition, certain topics are born as a result of meetings.

We also did, for example, chocolate meditation: we concentrated only on chocolate, it’s an attempt to be aware. When you smell chocolate, taste it — this is one of the ways to concentrate on the "here and now", on this taste of chocolate, among disturbing thoughts and emotions that overwhelm. That is, instead of sitting upset because of anxiety, you should return yourself to the "here and now". We specially bought chocolate, I was looking for good, the most delicious! (Smiles).

Psychosocial support session for women Zhytomyr. Photo by Caritas-Spes Zhytomyr.

— Sister, do you implement your Christian experience while working in groups?

— My Christianity, my experience definitely gave me confidence when I shared with them ways to love and take care of yourself. Because when we say "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself", love can be equated with selfishness. God has shown us love, teaches us to love and, above all, to love ourselves first. However, somewhere there are distorted explanations that loving yourself is allegedly selfish, sinful.

We are planning a meeting about forgiveness and we will conduct it on the basis of Joseph in Egypt — the one who was sold by the brothers. That is, about when to forgive, whom to forgive and what forgiveness is.

— What would you say to those who are still hesitating whether to ask for psychological help?

— Meetings are a contribution to self-development. Sometimes we don't go for something new, not because we think we know everything — we're afraid. I made a group for women in one of the messengers and throw them certain quotes. In particular, I shared with them a quote that "the scariest word that everyone is afraid of is the word 'change'." You should listen to your heart, not be afraid to ask and seek help. To understand that “yes, help is needed, but I am afraid of it”, then to put aside this fear and dare. To ask for help, to seek help - it will be the greatest love for yourself.

*Thanks to the sponsors of the HARPU project — Neighbor in Need / Caritas Austria / ADA — for helping organize psychosocial support groups!