Silent apostleship. Deeds speaking louder than words

An industrial district of Kyiv with a five-story residential complex and a busy highway nearby, transporting millions of people every day. Above the road there are rows of small "Khrushchev" windows that seem to peer into those driving past them.

We are heading to one of these "Khrushchevkas" with Sr. Anastasia to see how social workers from the "Home Care" of the RM Caritas-Spes Ukraine work.

Near the house, we meet two smiling young women who are trying to open the door of the old entrance. Unfortunately, the key is demagnetized. The entrance is "disadvantaged", many alcoholics and old people live here, and those who rarely come out. You have to wait until someone lets you in.

We climbed to the fifth floor on foot. Behind the old door, we are greeted by a white fluffy cat. He is flattering, it is immediately clear that these women are frequent guests here. In a small, cluttered room, there are two beds, one of which is occupied by an old, infirm woman. Ms. Halyna is 70. She has been bedridden for more than 10 years. By the way, a comfortable mechanical bed, a mattress for bedsores and diapers — all this was provided by the Caritas-Spes Mission and the Catholic Sisters of the Miraculous Medallion, who constantly cooperate and interact in helping the needy.
An incredibly beautiful young woman, like a movie actress, is looking at us from the photo on the shelf, and Ms. Halyna does not like to talk about her youth. Due to the fact that she has a son, she is not allocated a social worker from the state. But everything is not so simple with the son: he is an alcoholic. Not only does he not take care of his mother, but sometimes he can raise his hand to her or bring a roommate to the next bed. The woman already had several strokes, she lost not only the ability to walk, but also to speak clearly. Caritas workers come to her two or three times a week, and Vincentian sisters come on other days.

I watched Olena, Halyna and Sr. Anastasia doing everything with ease, jokingly, and Ms. Halyna supported the conversation as best she could, and I couldn't help but think: Who are these people? Why are they, so young and beautiful, struggling with diapers, washing dirt? Where do they get physical and moral strength for all this?

After Ms. Halyna, there was Ms. Mariia's house. Her only son died more than 20 years ago, and since then she has lost her eyesight and mental health. Next is the house of Ms. Kseniia, who is already 89 years old. Caritas-Spes employees have been coming to her for twenty years. Ms. Kseniia lives with her granddaughter Yuliia, who has severe cerebral palsy. Despite everything, great happiness happened in Yuliia's life: the girl met a believing boy with whom she started a family. This year their son went to the first grade. In this family, Caritas workers started helping Yuliia first and then her grandmother.

We talked about stereotypes and real work, about friendship and frank fears with the social workers of the RM Caritas-Spes Ukraine: Svitlana, Olena, Nelya, Kateryna and sisters Teresa and Anastasia. "Our wards are special because they all have relatives. That's why they don't fall under any other projects," says Olena, who has been working at "Home Care" for about 20 years. "The state believes that as there are relatives, they should take care of them. But neither we nor the state have a mechanism to force relatives to take care of those they are supposed to. We can try to influence them by means of communication or good attitude — but it rarely works."

Today, the "Home Care" program patronizes 35 people of various ages in Kyiv. These are young people with disabilities, children with musculoskeletal disorders and elderly single people. There are wards who used to be highly respectable and even outstanding people, but  became weak and lonely in old age. They very often suffer from physical diseases due to their age and psychological ones - due to the fact that they used to be needed, but now they are rejected. It is interesting that even if most of them have difficult relations with relatives and resent them, in most cases they justify their relatives and try to transfer the functions and duties of relatives to social workers. "The people we help have become lonely due to various incidents," says Sr. Teresa, who also works at "Home Care". — "For example, I had Mr. Boleslav under my care, he occupied management positions all his life, used to be in command, and because of this, relations in his family were simply terrible. Social services do not accept him, because he has a daughter, a son and a wife. But the relationship is ruined and he remains alone. Now he is forced to come and eat with the sisters of Mother Teresa from Calcutta."
"Often, these people were far from being poor in the past. They worked all their lives and now, as they say, they are overboard," adds mother of six children Svitlana (pictured below). She joined "Home Care" program relatively recently, but according to her observations, the tragedy of such wards is precisely that it is difficult for them to perceive the reality they find themselves in.

Kateryna started working at "Caritas-Spes" at the age of 19 and already has twenty years of work experience. "During this time, it is difficult to count how many wards we had. People came and went not only because they died, they also recovered, for example, after a stroke, and after a certain time could take care of themselves. We left such people with a clear conscience. But, mostly, we take care of people until they die," she says. Sometimes, a person is visited for decades. Depending on the needs, each visit of the "Home Care" workers is different. "If this is a bedridden person, then hygienic procedures are in the first place, because she or he cannot help oneself. Sometimes there are visits when we come and cook or clean. Sometimes we go to different institutions or take a ward to a polyclinic. For example, there is a woman I have been visiting for 20 years. She is pretty young, only a few years older than me, but she has mental problems and does not know how to clean the apartment or maintain the purity. And she needs help with the household: I clean the apartment, in the closets, change the bedclothes."

When asked about delicate hygiene services, Kateryna answers that it was not a big problem for her. "For me, the psychological comfort of working with a person is more important. Because when a person starts inventing various tasks for you, just to feel power over you, it is very difficult. It is also difficult when a ward crosses the line and over the years of visits begins to consider you as family, and his demands and expectations of you grow. We try not to give a person useless expectations. Yes, I empathize with the person I help; but I have to soberly assess the situation in order to do my job as best as possible," says Kateryna.

Before starting work, each of the employees undergoes training in the intricacies of social work: how not to harm either the ward or herself and maintain psychological hygiene. Kateryna remembered one older lady, Yelyzaveta Dmytrivna, to whom she and her colleagues went twice a week for thirteen years and became almost related. "She was especially touching and bright," says Kateryna. "Mrs. Yelyzaveta was bedridden and lonely, her son came very rarely, and her son was already under 70, and she was almost 90. She didn't want to let us go, so she started inventing funny tricks to get us to stay for at least 10 more minutes. But it was very kind. There was even a case when thieves broke into her apartment, fortunately she was not hurt. They robbed her, took some aluminum pans from the kitchen, although there was nothing more to take. We came to her, the door was open, and Mrs. Yelyzaveta said that they came at night. She talked with the robbers, because she was glad that someone dropped in!" We can only imagine the state of a lonely person who is happy to communicate with the robber of her home. There are so many stories of human loneliness, despair and pain; as well as examples of people who, for all their life's troubles or difficulties, find the strength to enjoy life are always inspiring.

Olena from "Home Care" mentioned the story of a ward Vika (photo), who, despite a severe form of cerebral palsy and being confined to a wheelchair, tries to live a full life. "When Vika was born, her mother was told that the child would not survive. But the mother made all possible and impossible efforts to help her child. She left her job for this child, she gave up her career. She took her to different doctors, used various methods. Their home was more like a gym than an apartment, says Olena. — Now Vika is 21 years old and, despite her illness, she lives a full life, speaks English and French perfectly, writes poems and paintings and dances on a wheelchair. Vika is also studying at the institute to become a designer. She is a very bright person and has no resentment towards life. It seems that she does not pay attention to her disease, she is active on social networks, tries to live her life to the full and does not consider her disease to be a burden."

The girls say that during the first visits, some people may treat them with fear and apprehension, because the fact that the social workers come from a religious mission can be stressful for the wards at first. "It is incredibly difficult for a person to believe that they simply come to help, not asking for money, or an apartment, or payment, but simply wanting to help. This is alarming. It was very rare that someone opened up right away. Usually, there is a distance first; then, when they understand that there is no trick, full-fledged cooperation begins, says Kateryna. - For example, we never talk to our wards about God first, unless they are from our churches. They just know that we are from a religious mission, they see our attitude towards them, our work. They see us help for free. And this softens the heart of the person we come to: he or she opens up and begins to trust us more. This is a silent apostleship. But sometimes people themselves start conversations on spiritual topics, sometimes they ask to bring the Holy Bible or a rosary. We had cases of repentance, and there were, of course, cases when a person was rooted in his views until the last day," says Kateryna. Sister Teresa sees that her wards come to know God through their relationship with them. "And although this is work, no one could do it without a special anointing for it. When I was able to see the work of the girls, I witnessed that they radiate a special warmth and love that transforms people."

The wards of "Caritas-Spes Ukraine" are bedridden patients, blind people, people with disabilities, mild mental disorders and dementia. Each category requires a special approach and has its own needs. For bedridden patients, this is treatment or prevention of bedsores, assistance in maintaining hygiene, cooking, feeding, washing. For the blind, disabled, or mentally ill, this can be escorting to a hospital, clinic, or social security center, buying groceries, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, paying utility bills, getting prescriptions from a doctor, and later buying medicine. The division into such categories is conditional. The list of services is discussed with each ward during the first visit - a social examination.

"Around half of our wards need regular visits two or three times a week," says Sister Anastasia, director of the John Paul II Social and Pastoral Center.  "We go to others as needed or at their request. We provided clothes and bedding for almost all the wards. Also, almost all of them receive free medicines and sometimes food kits. There is a small laundry at the social-pastoral center for washing bed linen and other things." Of course, all wards have an acute need for communication. And, for example, Olena Valentynivna, an employee of "Home Сare" with many years of experience, after a complex heart operation, can no longer visit her wards, as she used to. But she coordinates the program and administers the work, takes calls from her wards, listens to them on the phone, wishes them happy holidays and birthdays, makes gifts for them, as well as organizes meetings twice a year, on Christmas and Easter.

Reference: The social and pastoral center of the John Paul II of Caritas-Spes Ukraine Mission was established in 1998 on the initiative of Bishop Stanislav Shyrokoradiuk and with the assistance of benefactors from Italy. Now the Center is celebrating its 20th anniversary. In addition to "Home Care", there is a leisure program for children and youth "Svitlytsia", and also support for low-income families is provided as well.