«There are more good people. We see them with our souls»
A blind couple – Oksana and Viktor from the village of Kuzmina Hreblya in Cherkasy region – about leaving the war-torn Donetsk region, their personal experience of overcoming difficulties, the power of human support and optimism that overcomes despair
«We have been together for 12 years. And how we look is a mystery to both of us...»
Before the full-scale russian invasion, they lived in a city with a beautiful name – Myrnohrad. Viktor moved here, to the Donetsk region, his wife Oksana's homeland, more than 10 years ago.
Today Oksana is 50 years old and Viktor is 53. They met at the Filatov Institute of Eye Diseases in Odesa. They both lost their eyesight in adulthood: Oksana – due to a tragic accident (she was attacked by unknown persons who poured acid on her), and Viktor – as a result of an infectious eye disease. “A nurse at the burn center where I was treated brought Viktor to me, put his hand on mine and said, ‘Let's get acquainted,’” Oksana recalls. She explains how the doctors tried hard to save her eyes: nine complicated surgeries, long and exhausting rehabilitation. And a difficult acceptance of reality: the ability to see was lost forever. The woman admits that for a long time she did not want to communicate with anyone. "Viktor was persistent and delicate at the same time. He came just to talk. When he felt that I was not in the mood, he would leave in silence. He could be witty, he encouraged me. “Let's go to my place in Cherkasy region to herd geese,” he joked. Then we parted ways, each going home, and continued to talk on the phone. We quickly realized that we were interested in each other and wanted to be close," my interlocutor smiles.
The wedding was modest, but sincere: with flowers, witnesses, and a small treat for friends. The family was confronted with the fact: they went to the registry office, got married, and only then announced this momentous event. Not everyone understood and approved of their decision, even the closest ones. Because people are always people...
Viktor was born in the Crimea, and at the age of 19 he moved with his parents to Kuzmina Hreblya in Cherkasy region. He often remembers Crimea as a paradise on earth. "The climate is wonderful, the sea, the forests... I spent my childhood and youth there... Friends, hiking together. It was fun". In a village in Cherkasy region, he worked as a tractor driver on a farm and had a hobby of raising pigeons. He was a jack of all trades. He remains so today, despite the fact that he cannot see, he does everything with his own hands.
Before the tragic accident, Oksana worked as a saleswoman. She was the soul of the company, cheerful and easy-going. She had a lot of friends, but after the accident, many of them disappeared from the horizon. “I don't blame them, it means that they are friends,” Oksana summarizes.
They have been together for 12 years, but have never seen each other... “It's such a pipe dream to know what my husband looks like,” the interlocutor smiles, "My friend tried to help me, to explain. But I never fully understood..."
Nowadays, Oksana and Viktor feel the world around them by sound, touch, imagination and memories. They felt the war in the same way – “by touch”. And that touch was hellish.
«I've never understood what the expression ‘the hair moves on your head’ means. During the shelling, I realized this»
”When Viktor's niece called from Kuzmina Hreblya at 5 a.m. on February 24, 2022, and said: “We are being bombed,” we did not believe it. How do you mean bombed? Although we had been hearing talk of a big war since 2014," says Oksana. – "In Myrnohrad, distant explosions have been heard for a long time and regularly. But we learned to ignore them.
We are blind, we live with our ears. And in the spring of 2022, I could hear the movement of vehicles on the highway near our house. It was something scary: you don't know whether it's on your left, behind the house, still here, or already gone. The constant buzzing gets on your nerves. I went to the doctor and complained that I couldn't sleep. In response, I heard that I had a very vivid imagination. How can I know what's going on if I can't see it? And there were moments when my friends and acquaintances said: it's good that you don't see all this, because it's just horrible.
We knew approximately when he would arrive. Usually at 3 am. So everyone was waiting, staying up until three. When it arrived, we could go to bed. Then they started bombing the city at 10 in the morning. And then – endlessly... You run to the store in the morning, buy something – and run back. There was no drinking water, so we broke into the private sector, to the wells. And then it became scary to leave the entrance.
When the first big “arrival” happened, half the school was blown away. It was such a pity, it was a good school, they had just renovated it... And when a rocket landed on the mine next to us, it was the end of the world.
Vitia shouts: don't get up. I was lying on the floor and crawled to the far corner. We stayed there for several hours until we heard our neighbors walking down the stairs. And only after that we could go out to see what was going on... And when they hit us with a KAB, we were already gone, thank God..."
They left their native Myrnohrad for Cherkasy region several times – and came back again. After all, home is the closest thing to home, even by touch.
But each time the return was difficult.
"When you enter the Donetsk region, you get the feeling that everything is black. I'm not talking about the explosions that are constantly heard. You can feel the horror by touch. I have never known before what it feels like when the hair on your head moves. When the scalp moves back and forth. And then there is a lump of fear in your throat.
When we were going down to the basement under the house, where people store canned food, even the dogs came running to us and shook with fear. Because animals are very afraid of explosions. We were hiding from the shelling in the basement, but we realized that it would not save us... You cannot orient in fear. You can't eat, you can't sleep, you curl up as if you're squeezing into yourself. And if you live in this state all the time, you can go crazy. It's not worth it. No matter how much you regret that property, that house, especially if you spend 10 years saving money and doing repairs, and then give up... But time passes and you realize that you can live without all this. The main thing is to live. When you sleep peacefully, you wake up peacefully...
Although I still want to go home... No matter who I ask among my friends who have left, everyone wants to return. But Myrnohrad is actually a war zone now... Only a few people stayed – some did not want to leave their goats, some simply have nowhere to go. Today we learned about a friend of mine, he is also blind. There was an arrival – and his house was like a house of cards. And he is still lying there under the rubble, because there are no services in the city to get him out".
«In response, we received two hearts. Everything is fine, they told us»
In Kuzmina Hreblya, the couple lives in the former home of Viktor's parents, together with Oksana's father, niece Nadiya and her two children. Nadiya's husband is defending Ukraine at the front. Oksana's mother stayed in a village near Pavlohrad. “I would have taken her here, but the house is small, there is not enough space for everyone,” she explains. "We wanted to buy a house here in the village, but we do not have enough money for a house with good living conditions.
Oksana and Viktor say that they run their own farm. They have chickens, geese, and cats. "Vitya nails and repairs things himself, cuts wood, heats the stove. He can even sew. And I do the laundry, cook, clean, and preserve food for the winter," Oksana explains. – "I used to have help pouring boiling water into jars, but now I've learned how to do it myself. Sometimes people ask me: how do you cook if you can't see? And I listen to the borsch boiling... I know when it's time to add vegetables.
We bought a new electric oven and I learned to bake charlotte and cakes. I like to make lazy cabbage rolls. We chopped the cabbage. I chop – Vitia tampers.
We often cook together with Nadiya – we live together. The only help we need is to go to the store and get to the hospital if we get sick."
They “communicate” with the world through their phones – with special voice programs. "Our phones read text messages, and we record contacts by voice. So you called me, I dictate: 'Yulia, save' and I write down your number. Mr. Mykola, a businessman from Kyiv who sells these phones, is also blind. So he uses this gadget to navigate and travel abroad. He has watches, scales, slow cookers, and washing machines for the blind. All this is controlled through the phone. He even has a tape measure for measuring. We wanted to buy a tape measure, but even earlier it cost 5 thousand hryvnias, which was expensive for us... The only thing we bought was a blood pressure monitor with a voice. And phones – we can't do without them".
And even more so – without people. “We are very dependent on others,” the woman continues, "especially in unfamiliar spaces. Once, in Myrnohrad, I went out in the evening, without a wand or phone. And I lost my way. A neighbor saw me, came over, and walked me home.
In general, there are many more good people in the world than evil ones. People help us a lot. On the road, for example. Once we were caught in a snowstorm and our bus was stuck for a long time. So strangers helped us rent a hotel room, bought us coffee, pies, and helped us buy tickets.
"How do we feel whether a person is good or evil? "The tone of voice, even pauses in the conversation say a lot. The soul feels when something is wrong. By the way a person treats you. Several times it happened that I felt something unpleasant. But mostly, people are kind and friendly. They understand and help. Although I don't really like to ask. I try to cope with everything myself."
When they applied for the Family to Family project, they didn't really believe in success, Oksana admits. "We spent a long time collecting documents, filling them out, waiting. And we received two hearts in response: yellow and blue. Everything is fine, they told us. We didn't even expect the help to come so quickly. With the funds from the project, we bought potatoes for the winter, prepared firewood, and stocked up on food.
I know there are people who have a much harder time than we do... Few people perceive us as people with disabilities. After all, we can do everything, we are not bedridden. But no one thinks about what it's like not to see anything when your eyes are completely black. Try to blindfold yourself and walk from here to the store. It's very hard...
We are grateful to all the good people, Polish families for their humanity and support."
"Nothing is impossible. A person can do anything."
Oksana says books help her relieve stress. "Recently, I've become addicted to fantasy. My Viktor laughs – you have dragons and elves. I immerse myself in that fantasy world and think less about bad things and fears. I used to watch different movies and listen to music, but now I only read fairy tales".
Viktor finds solace in pigeons. He has only five of them today, but he knows each one by name, talks to them, and feeds them. "What gives me strength? My wife... I liked her character from the very beginning. Tender, kind, gentle, caring. She worries about me. I have one dream – a quiet, peaceful life. I am tired of these wars. I want people to live in peace, harmony and joy. And everything else will come. I just need to be healthy".
Before she lost her eyesight, Oksana says, she used to love watching travel programs. "Oceans, islands, distant countries, magnificent nature... The world is wonderful. Only people do not appreciate it... And now you read about hurricanes, tornadoes, fires. And all because people interfere with the natural world. We are ungrateful... But I always believe in the best. Life goes on. You should never give up.
And do you know what the best method is? Turning the situation around, looking for the positive in everything negative. To say: look how good it is, you are lucky. We try to “turn” various difficult moments and treat everything with humor. How can you do without it?
Also, when you're busy doing something, you forget that you can't see. Nothing is impossible. People get used to everything. You can do anything."
